Poem: Attention Seeker

You have my attention
never lost it, despite
trampling it with dismissive ridicule
What will you do with it now
What have you ever done
To keep my focus and hope
other than laugh and brag with friends
while keeping me in perpetual limbo
Indeed, have you ever given me
your purposeful attention
Focused your energy on me
Strove to be more than
a nice guy liked by all
Did you ever envision yourself
as a man of integrity standing by my side
A man of purpose joining his strength to my vision
Unlikely, as your form of noncommunication
layered with emotional hiding
seduced me into the shadows
I can think all the thoughts or not one,
do nothing, say nothing
and get the same wide-eyed,
“I’m a nice guy” non-response
received when I did everything
to look like a fool out of my depth
A foolish woman
who gathered all my available courage
to speak all my known words
of admiration, love and desire
To a being who sparked the light in my spirit
yet could not comprehend the nature of my offer
Now I understand my vibration
was beyond your frequency
You couldn’t perceive me
beyond the physical appearance
you considered unworthy of your commitment
My attention meant nothing when it was all I had to give
Even though it’s what you wanted most from me.
You were attracted to my light but had no respect for it.
Yet here we are orbiting still
What are your intentions?
Do I willingly enter your rabbit hole
of emotional grief with no hope of any satiation
To allow you to feast off my energy
Watch you eat
As I starve
You bask
I wither
You soar
I drown
You chose someone else
I grew in grace, seeking understanding
from a God who would put you
in my spirit, yet keep you out of my life
Maybe you were never the one
I was to commit my future to
Perhaps the real test is trusting God to provide
beyond what I sense in a life set on orbiting you.